Marriage in Ancient Rome was not just a personal decision—it was a political tool, a social expectation, and a religious ceremony. Far from being just about love, Roman marriage was a way to form alliances, produce legitimate heirs, and secure wealth and honor for the family. For the Romans, marriage was not a private matter—it was a duty to one’s family, ancestors, and the Roman state itself.
This article explores how marriage worked in Rome: the customs, the laws, the expectations, and the symbolic rituals that made Roman weddings both deeply personal and highly public.
The Purpose of Marriage: Not Just Romance
While some Roman couples loved each other deeply, love was not the foundation of most Roman marriages—especially among the upper classes.
Instead, the main purposes were:
To produce legitimate children (liberi) who could inherit property and family names.
To form alliances between families, especially among the nobility.
To reinforce social roles—men as paterfamilias, women as matrons.
Marriage was a civic institution, not a religious one at first. Roman citizens were expected to marry and raise families to ensure the continuation of Roman society.
Who Could Marry Whom?
Roman marriage laws were strict:
Only citizens could marry legally under ius conubii (the right to marry under Roman law).
Slaves could not marry, though they could form contubernium, a kind of informal union.
Men could marry from age 14, women from age 12, though it was more common a bit later.
Marriage between citizens and foreigners was originally forbidden, though laws like the Lex Julia (passed under Augustus) encouraged marriage between citizens to strengthen Rome’s population.
The Wedding: Rituals and Symbolism
Roman weddings were highly symbolic and filled with tradition, especially among wealthy families. Here’s how a typical upper-class wedding might unfold:
1. The Engagement (Sponsalia)
A formal agreement between families, often sealed with a ring (placed on the third finger of the left hand—believed to have a vein leading to the heart).
Dowry negotiations were central: the bride’s family provided money or land to the groom’s family.
2. The Wedding Day
The bride wore a white tunic, tied with a knot of Hercules (a symbol of fertility), and a flame-colored veil called a flammeum.
A sacrifice was offered to the gods, especially Juno, goddess of marriage.
Guests shouted “Feliciter!” (Good luck!) as the ceremony took place.
3. The Joining of Hands
Called dextrarum iunctio, the groom and bride clasped right hands—a powerful Roman symbol of union.
4. The Wedding Feast
After the ceremony, a large banquet was held with music, dancing, and toasts.
The feast was both a celebration and a public recognition of the new union.
5. The Procession to the Groom’s House
At night, the bride was escorted to her new home by torches and accompanied by music.
She was carried over the threshold to avoid tripping (a bad omen).
She offered a fire and water ritual, symbolizing her integration into the new household.
The Role of the Wife: Uxor Romana
Roman wives were expected to be loyal, modest, and capable. A good wife ran the household, raised the children, and honored the gods and ancestors.
A Roman woman might:
Oversee slaves, meals, finances, and education of young children.
Spin wool and weave cloth—symbols of domestic virtue.
Act as her husband’s partner in managing family status and affairs.
While Roman women had no legal authority over property or politics, elite women could wield serious influence behind the scenes, especially through marriage alliances.
Divorce and Changing Norms
Surprisingly, divorce was common and easy in Rome—especially in the late Republic and Empire.
Either spouse could end a marriage simply by declaring it over.
No court was needed; the wife returned to her father’s house and took her dowry back.
Reasons for divorce included:
Infidelity
Infertility
Political shifts or new alliances
Some Romans, especially during the Empire, married and divorced multiple times. Cicero, Julius Caesar, and Augustus all divorced at least once.
Legal Types of Marriage
There were two main forms of legal marriage:
1. Cum manu (“with the hand”)
The wife came under the legal authority of her husband.
Her property became his.
Less common over time.
2. Sine manu (“without the hand”)
The wife stayed legally part of her father’s family.
She could own property and even divorce more easily.
This became more popular during the late Republic and Imperial period
Marriage and Children
Having children was a major goal of marriage. Roman families often had many children, though many died young.
Childbirth was dangerous, and women prayed to Juno Lucina and other fertility deities for protection.
Failure to produce children could lead to divorce, especially if the family needed an heir.
Social Pressure and Imperial Reforms
By the late Republic, marriage rates dropped. Men were more interested in wealth and politics than settling down, while women sometimes preferred independence.
In response, Emperor Augustus passed marriage laws:
Encouraged citizens to marry and have children.
Penalized those who remained unmarried or childless.
Rewarded families with multiple children (ius trium liberorum—the “right of three children”).
Marriage became both a personal duty and a patriotic one.
Conclusion: Marriage as Mirror of Roman Society
Marriage in Ancient Rome was never just about love—it was a reflection of Roman values: duty, family, tradition, and social order. From the modest middle-class unions to the high-stakes marriages of emperors and senators, Roman weddings were public events with private consequences.
Understanding Roman marriage helps us see the deeper connections between law, religion, gender roles, and power—and shows how even something as personal as love could be shaped by the needs of an empire.